So I Got Laid Off...Now What?

Ok so there's no other way to start this post than to just say, I got laid off...

Although I worked in the financial industry, this lay off came as a complete surprise to myself and all my coworkers as well. The lay off did not happen due to lack of performance, relocations or even a slight downsizing...the entire company went under so everyone lost their jobs.

The News
My best friend and I left the Future concert hyped. We walked out of the amphitheater just before the rest of the crowd and headed back to the shady spot where I reluctantly decided to park my car. The prices for parking were completely ridiculous and even though I was still employed, my pockets were like "nah bruh." We approached the corner and the pit of my stomach was turned upside down as I anticipated what state my car was in whether it was there or not. I couldn't tell if I felt that way because I'd seen a missed a call from my manager, or because I was really worried about the car. The car was in the same condition we'd left it, cool, but my stomach...was still weird. I was temporarily distracted by the conversation with my best friend then, my stomach nearly jumped out of my throat as I remembered that phone call I'd missed. It was almost after 11pm, what could my manager want at this hour? Did I forget to do something? Did I leave work before I was scheduled? Maybe he needs me to fill in for someone...? Dammit! Maybe he found out where my co worker and I had gone to lunch, stayed way too long and on top of everything else, we didn't bring him anything back. Maybe he found out that we had drinks, while we were there...ok I had a drink. One drink but it was Cinco de Mayo! How could I not and by the time we'd get back to the office it would be time for me to go home anyway. Whatever, I ain't no punk so whatever it was I was big enough to cal him back! So I called the coworker I went to lunch with instead; surely she knew what the deal was.

 Me: Hey Jas

Jas: (slowly) Heyyy..(silence)...did you talk to Demetrius?

Me: No, I called you first what's going on (Because every one knows when their boss calls them late night something is wrong)

Jas: Uhhhhhh, I'm just gonna let you talk to him

Me: NO! What happened! Tell me!

Jas: *exhales* We don't have a job Ivy!

First Comes Reaction

At first, I thought she meant just she & I were out of a job. Especially considering the whole lunch thing. She explained it to me but all I heard was "we've been shut down by the federal government." She was definitely speaking Chinese to me at this point. How? When? Why? What?...wait WHAT? WHAT!! What did they say? I called my manager and he immediately confirmed when he picked up the phone with with a huffy and solemn tone "Heeeyyy Ivy..." He asked me how I was feeling, I must've babbled something because then he just started giving me the instructions on what was coming next. "I can't...I'm sick I'll call you back I'm sick!" I wasn't really sick, but if the word "empty"could ever manifest itself beyond a description, I think that's what it would be...just an empty-like bulge in the pit of my stomach. I felt that for a very short time but then there was nothing else. There were no tears...no panic...no meltdown. Am I experiencing shock?

Then Comes Reasoning

How would I explain this to my family and friends? Most of my friends have careers, are entrepreneurs, homeowners even! I had plans to begin searching for my first home within a year or so and now I have to live off the small savings I had for that home. How do I measure up? Surely, I would have to be a shut in because what's cute about a jobless, grown woman with a dwindling savings. In the blink of an eye, all my plans are down the drain, I had no control over it and no explanation. I tried to sort out all of the things that made sense in my head. From the moment I began making plans for the next steps in my life, each milestone I'd made quietly, each goal I accomplished between the moment I knew I was hired to the moment I knew I was laid off. None of the reasons I'd come up with could match what was really going on. This was not a part of my plan! I'd never left a job outside of my own will. I've never been fired, never been "released from work" and damn sure not laid off. Ok so how does this work again, being forced to do something outside of my own will...I needed answers and I needed them quickly; unfortunately I had minimal power as to getting those answers. Who can I hold accountable for this? Who knew this lay off was coming? Why didn't they say anything? Why couldn't they notify us, that we'd be losing our income. Isn't there some kind of prep class that would walk us through the steps of what to do next? When I leave work today...then what do I do? Thoughts came rushing into my head like a flood after the initial shock had worn off. I felt like I needed grief counseling or something because my brain couldn't process all the thoughts as quickly as they were coming in. 

Then Comes Reality 

Ok girl, so there's no check coming in...what you gon' do?! Shock passed and the sea of questions  I'd asked myself as well as the answers I'd given myself were flowing at a more generous pace. That seemed about the only generosity I'd receive. There was no one waiting outside of the office to pat us on our backs, give us hugs and tell us everything would be ok. I don't think I would have known how to receive that anyway. Ha! Who was I fooling. I'd never had the privilege of living in that world and to confuse myself enough to think that I did was insulting, demeaning and undermining to the sort of woman I really was. We each left the office with a zombie like stride, looking around at one another. Everyone was quiet with our own expression of "what the hell do we do now" smeared across our faces. I looked back as my former manager locked the door for the last time....uhhhh "anybody know where the unemployment office is?" That statement had never really crossed my mind until that very moment.  The unemployment office....it just got real y'all! If I didn't have myself together when I walked in there, they surely got me together real quick before I left! The worst part of having to go to the unemployment office is the type of "service" you get, they treat you as if they are doing you a favor and look at you like..."after you leave here you better not come back asking for anything else"...or even..."what do you need these benefits for?" Yes, they call them benefits! Please excuse me if this is all just a bit too much for me to comprehend...I don't come here often. They treat you like you're already suspicious of attempting fraud with the little bit of help they are so proud to give you. They make you sit in a class full of people to watch a 10 minute video mandated by the state of Georgia. Is this is joke? "You must be quiet during the film, there is absolutely NO talking, please put your phones on silent, don't fill out the paper work until we instruct you to do so (because we are so unemployed that non of us even know how to write our names or fill in our social security numbers) and if any of the rules are broken you will be asked to leave and will have to return at the next scheduled viewing in order to qualify to receive your (crusty ass) benefits."  I want you to know that I heard absolutely none of that video. I must have been distracted by all the joyous people with smiling faces that dashed across the screen shaking hands with one another; I looked around the room at the people that sat there forcibly with me...yea no one in there had a smile on their face. I probably stopped listening when a cheery voice shouted from the screen "Greetings and Salutations." Still, at best I would describe this moment in my life as quite a humbling experience.   

There is Power in Resolve

After the entire experience, I gave it a couple days to sink in. Damn! All of this, over a job that I'd never intended to be at for the rest of my life. Once I gathered myself, it dawned on me that I was actually right on the edge of opportunity. I have the chance to reinvent myself, get back in touch with a part of me that I'd shoved to the side in the midst of being comforted by tax deductible wages and automatic healthcare benefits. The thought of "low-risk" enticed me, I'll admit.  When I think back on it all, I understand that I misused the advantage of having this job. When I first got hired, I told myself that I would use this job as a stepping stone to fund my own personal career goals. It was never supposed to be permanent. I got distracted. I was comfortable. For a woman like me, comfortable is never in my vocabulary. I always want to continue to learn, progress, set new goals for myself, smash those goals quietly and continue to level up to the people that I chose to surround myself with. I always want more for myself and I know that's ok. What I seek is not attainment of material things, but growth. However, when comfort is present, growth is not.  I was so comfortable with the thought of a consistent paycheck that when I lost that security, I assumed I'd lost all the pieces that held me together. That is the thing that disturbed me most; my reaction to what was going on being so natural, the casual response to being disconnected and numb to an occurrence that otherwise completely devastates you, or springs you right into action. I mean, I wasn't exactly devastated by the loss but I definitely wasn't moving forward either. So in the end, I did not come to terms with or find my resolve with my layoff. What moved me was once I became aware of my shockingly natural ability and willingness to remain numb...and absent (I am officially a millennial). 

My resolve comes from the mind that I have to never to put my life back in the hands of someone else again. I'm so thankful I had the mind to check in with myself because if I hadn't, the meaning behind this process would have been lost to me.  

Going to a job everyday, even a job the that you love, can be a distraction from your real goals, your dream life
Don't let it distract you! Take some time to decompress from work so you can be present, physically and mentally when you're outside of work. Whether it's family, a hobby, or even a personal goal, we can't forget to invest time and quality into the things that really make us who we are; we've got to check in! If you have a personal goal that you're working towards, it shouldn't be acceptable to give all your energy to your day job and not have anything to give to your own when you get home.

Yes, the loss of income can be devastating, even scary, rightfully so. However, loss should never exempt opportunity. I now understand how some people can associate loss of identity with the loss of a job! You are not what you do for a living so don't get so caught up in the work.

The loss of a job, is actually opportunity waiting for you to discover it!