6 Fun Group Date Night Ideas

Okay, so it's been a while since you and "bae" got out to have some fun, let alone had human contact outside of one another. So often we get into relationships and forget about the other people we're connected to. While it's completely normal to incorporate our spouses and such into just about every aspect of our lives, having reliable and relatable friendships with other healthy couples is extremely important as well. After all a healthy relationship is one that has balance.

So you want to plan a fun group date night, but just have absolutely no ideas? It's always a struggle trying to find an activity that every one will enjoy when you're dealing with multiple people. So here's an idea....you decide! The only thing the other couples should have to do is say whether or not they can make it, then show up!

I've come up with 7 unique date night ideas that you can thoroughly enjoy with a group of other couples. All you have to do is plan it, invite your "couple besties" and have fun!

 Escape Rooms. The escape room concept has been around for quite some time. Each room comes with a different theme and different tasks to complete. Once you're locked inside, you and the other couples will have to use clues found inside the room in order to get out....oh, did I mention your escape is timed? So you better hurry up before the clock runs out! This activity is perfect for group date night because it's definitely a group effort! So tone up on those communication skills with your partners and rely on the suggestions of other couples with opinions other than your own

 Take a Boat Ride on the Marina. Water activities are the perfect fit for your itinerary for date night, or day. Not all of these require extreme physical activity either. Rent a boat, pack your own food and specialty drinks or visit one of the lakeside restaurants but whatever you do don't forget your sunscreen! Care free and relaxing. spark some conversation listens to some nice music. Soak it up!

Chateau Elan Winery. This place is absolutely gorgeous! With stunning views and an array of chic activities to chose from, I think the chateau paired with the winery creates such a romantic mood. Chose from sitting in on a wine tasting and have a tour, or even stay for a few nights! I definitely think it's worth a stay because there's no way you can soak in the full experience in just a few hours! You should definitely consider this option for a quick couples getaway!

Game Night. Host an adult game night! Make some drinks if that's your thing, set out the saucy wings buy some board games or come up with your own! The point is just to have an endless amount of laughs and fun without having to spend an outrageous amount of money. Whether it's a game of charades, cards night, or even the game using that silly mouthpiece from the dentists office, get creative and chill out!

Candlelight Back yard  BBQ. Here's another very chill and inexpensive way to spend an evening with other couples! Everyone pitch in a few bucks (okay, maybe more than a few) buy some great food, throw it on the grill, light those candles or string up some cute lights in the back yard and turn on some good music. Get those good vibes going, eat drink, get some conversation going and enjoy the evening.

Salsa Class. Take a dance lesson! Of course sals requires two people so why not bring your spouse and have other couples join the fun too! Most classes have a required minimum of participants before the class can even start, so the more the merrier. How fun would it be to have your friends there to dance it out with you! So what you'v never taken a salsa lesson before, that's the beauty of it all. Throw all caution to the wind and get those hips moving!

Get out of the house (or not) and enjoy yourselves. Including other couples in your experiences adds even more value to your memories. It's a beautiful thing to have memories with your own spouse, but the bonds you create with other couples can last just as long. 

Happy date night!

FXS Body Factory

I am almost always immediately sold on anything made by women for women. I think it's so important to support women in business because they are a direct representation of successful role models that women and young girls will always need. It is extremely important that we highlight and emphasize the entire process (not just the glamour) of womens entrepreneurship!

With summer already here and an amazing vacation right around the corner, I just want to tighten up a few loose ends...okay I'm saying I need to work out! So when I saw that FXS Body Factory was running a promotion, I knew that I absolutely could not miss it!

I decided to visit FXS Body Factory for the "Lean Machine" class. It was the perfect twist to a 45 minute cardio session. The twist to the class was specifically the types of exercises we were doing. Honestly, although I've done cardio before, the techniques the instructor had were precisely customized which I loved! Shelby, the owner, promised us early on that we would sweat and gave each of us a crisp clean white hand towel to maintain ourselves throughout the class. Girl, detail is so important when it comes to adding value to an entire experience so the hand towels were the perfect touch! She even inquired if anyone had an injury that she should be aware of and she modified the exercises for them, I mean the extra points just keep adding up here! Shelby was also very careful to keep us right on track with the timing! The class started at exactly the time the schedule said it would and it was over right at the 45 minute mark, which was extremely considerate. How often do you get to walk into a business and not only is it a surprise that the owner is there, but you actually get to work closely with them! LOVE!

One of the things I enjoyed most about this class was that we were constantly moving and to me that's so important. Of course we had time in between sets to get a quick sip of libations, I mean water! It was just the right amount of time because I don't know about you, but if you give me too much time to relax during a workout, this workout is over! After participating in the "Lean Machine" class alone, I can be absolutely sure the rest of the classes at this exclusive new women's gym & studio are sure to be just as good!

My entire experience was so amazing from the moment I walked through the door! Another trainer greeted all of us very warmly, got us all signed in very promptly then gave us a tour! The space is so cute and very clean, there is a designated area for ladies to change clothes as well as store their personal items and there's also a shower on site! So if you schedule a workout session right before work, running errands or even girls night out, you can hit the shower and get dressed right there!

Whether you have long term or short term goals for your physical health this summer you should certainly visit FXS Body Factory. This studio has so many things to offer from unlimited group fitness & personal training to free consultations, nutritional guides and even monthly assessments! You can even do a "drop- in" on the class of your choice at an extremely affordable rate! Right now there is a special promotion running until August 31st so if you're in the Atlanta area or close I'm just going to challenge you to drop in on a class and try it our for yourselves!

This is not a sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

How to Totally Smash Networking Events

I do not own the rights to this photo

Lately I've specifically been looking for events where I can bump into other bloggers. Being behind a computer is one thing, but there's nothing like face to face interaction. Networking events are the perfect place to meet people in your field as well as people that have the resources you may need access to. There's only one problem...your comfort zone. Fear or anxiety over networking events do not only happen to people that are shy or introverted; it absolutely can happen to anyone for a number of reasons! Whether you're an introvert, an over-analyzer,  a pro at networking, or even new to networking entirely, the thought of waltzing into a crowd of unfamiliar faces can make anyone squirm at one point or another. So! I've come up with a few easy systems that will help you navigate your way through networking!

The Preparation

First things first, you've got to identify your kryptonite honey! Figuring out exactly what makes you cringe about networking is the key to being totally bomb at it! If you're shy or an introvert, get on social media, follow the organizers of the event and engage! You've just done a soft introduction and you've already got one or two people familiar with your name when you arrive. If you're afraid of rejection, think of it this way, it's only a place to meet people. You're not asking for a small business loan, turning in applications for your dream job, or asking someone to publish your book, so relax! If you're the over-analyzer (raises hand), then make a list of the questions to ask. Getting everything down on paper helps unclog your mind and gives you something to work towards instead of building anxiety. While you have your pen and paper out, make a short list of goals for the event; you've got to know what you're there to do. The idea is to put your weakness to work in your favor. Lastly, draw your focus away from expectations by creating a list of things you have to offer. Surely, you didn't think you were the only person in need of something did you? So here it is again real quick:

The Run Down 

1. Identify your kryptonite; make it a strength 

2.  Get on social media, follow the event organizers; engage!

3. Make a list of questions

4. Make a list of G O A L S 

5. Make list of what you have to offer

The Execution
It's the day of the event, you're dressed to impress, you've got your business cards ready to go, your questions are written down and your pen and note pad are tucked away in your clutch! Ready, set, go!

Yes, by all means visit the bar. Whether you drink or not, wherever there are drinks, there are also people; so get a good spot and go for it! Don't feel pressured to drink, if it's not your thing it's not your thing. However for people that even just drink socially, the bar is usually a neutral area. Besides, there's probably someone over there that's just as nervous as you, they've just been waiting to see a friendly smile. Remember, just relax. You don't have to jump right into grilling them; you're there to make actual connections, whether they have something to offer you, vice versa or not at all.

Listen then speak. Your goal is to treat each person you encounter as if they were already your friend. Networking is not about just gaining valuable contacts but instead it's about creating real relationships that can eventually become valuable in building your business; you need to find value that you can bring to their business as well. Your job is to listen with purpose; not just listen to respond! Seriously take in what this person is sharing with you even if it initially has nothing to do with work because you need to be able to engage effectively.

Icebreakers. If there are icebreaker activities, or even a Q&A, your job is to participate! Instead of having to go around to each person individually, introduce yourself to the crowd and get it out of the way already so when you make your rounds, people are already familiar with and know what you do already. Participating in event activities makes you visible. 

Take notes. LITERALLY! You may need to takes some notes, there may be a speaker giving important information to questions you may not even know you have yet. Always be prepared!

Do not work the room. Don't spread yourself too thin girlfriend! Working the room comes across as a bit too over zealous and as if you don't know what you want. Be more specific and intentional with your interactions. You can't make meaningful and lasting connections when you're jumping from conversation to conversation. Consider each individuals network and think, "Is this in line with what I'm doing now or what I plan to do?"

Sharing is caring. It's totally ok to ask for and exchange social media handles, take some event pictures together or pass out some business cards but what else does the conversation consist of? You've got to be transparent when you're trying to form relationships and it doesn't have to be weird. Share what you're working on, share what your hopes are for an upcoming project! Being transparent opens you up to someone meeting a need of yours and all you did was have a conversation! This also goes for sharing your own contacts and resources. You're not the only person there in need of something. Give give give, then ask!

Be Yourself. Sometimes we can easily get caught up in being what we think other people need and or want to know. That happens in real life but especially at events such as these. Just be genuine! You are building real relationships that could benefit your business or career, why wouldn't you want to be your real self. If you don't, then you could spend the rest of the relationship attempting to live up to what you think they want and who they think you are....way too stressful honey!

Image by Charles Dante via (@BeautyByAfricaMiranda) Sip & Shop event 

The Follow Up
This phase of networking is easily the most important phase of all. If you fail to follow up, then everything you've done was in vain. So what, you collected a lot of business cards! What are you going to do with them?  Which of those, did you actually establish some form of relationship while you physically had their attention? What did they discuss with you about their business? Were you able to pinpoint a need within that person or their company? Were you even memorable to them? These are things you should consider when you're sifting through the flood of business cards. The next thing you need to think about is how you will follow up with them. Will it be by email or phone call, then will you eventually meet up to have a one on one, will you do a video chat to have a more in depth conversation? The options are endless. Your goal throughout this entire process is to leverage the power of that single connection into many different opportunities, not only for yourself, but for the other individual as well!

Image by Charles Dante via (@BeautyByAfricaMiranda) Sip & Shop event

I really hope this was helpful to you!

21 Days of Meditation

I do not own the rights to this photo

I am all about cultivating good habits that contribute to a successful lifestyle. My life's goal is solely to grow as a better daughter, sister, friend, a better business woman and hopefully wife and mother. Whether the behavior has to do with financial responsibility, interaction with others or adding intentional actions to my daily routine such as daily prayer, journaling, exercise or better eating habits, Im always in search of something to keep me centered. 

Sometimes it's hard for us to remember that we are living, breathing beings that don't run on gas, can't be plugged into a wall to recharge or powered by solar energy. Occasionally, we need to force ourselves to turn off the television, turn down the radio and put away the electronic devices to focus on recharging an essential part of ourselves...our minds. That's why I chose 21 days of meditation!

Apparently, the number 21 represents how long it takes to break a habit...or even create one. 21 times of repetitive behaviors is all it takes to create a lasting impression on our subconscious thoughts. Since we are creatures of habit, we naturally gravitate to the same things that we've always done...queue the saying "practice makes perfect" so why not practice more favorable thinking.

In my search I ran across a 21 day challenge called Desire & Destiny hosted by Deepak Chopra and Oprah! They've given us some time to prep before the actual journey starts so I'll be frequently updating on what I'm doing to prepare! I have no idea what to expect along this journey but my mind is completely open and I'm so ready to see where it takes me!

Misconceptions of Meditation

Shortly after I introduced this challenge, a few people voiced their apprehensions on participating for a number of reasons. One reason being, they assumed meditation was exclusively related to the practice of a specific religion, either Hinduism or Buddhism. 

The truth is, plenty of people from different religious backgrounds can and do practice meditation. Meditation simply means "to think deeply" or as Merriam-Webster would define it, "to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness." I like to think of the word meditate in the same context that people use the word pray. Muslims pray and so do Christians, however the manner in which they do so may of course be different. 

Another misconception is that mediation has to paired with yoga;  let me just say it absolutely does not have to. Including yoga in your meditation session is just an example of your style of meditation.  Some may use yoga as a physical extension of their mental experiences during meditation, however it's not mandatory. I think that yoga may even be a distraction from the actual experience if you don't already practice yoga on a regular basis.

No matter what you've heard about meditation, I encourage you do do some research of your own and decide whether it's something that you may interested in. Don't let the myths of the matter prevent you from experiencing the mental and spiritual benefits.

Desire & Destiny begins on July 17th

Click here to register for free!

Here's a list of things to do before the challenge starts!

1. Mark your calendars for July 17th!
2. Download FREE eBook here!
3. Use your resources to prepare!
4. Get a journal!
5. Arrange your schedule to allow for 20 minutes each day!

Each day has a customized audio message and encourages journal entries for each experience!

You must register and be logged in to see links. 

Register for free

Day 1

Who Am I?

Our deepest, most heartfelt desires are like stars in a constellation… brilliant, twinkling lights that show us the way and create pathways to our true destinies. It is our soul’s mission to connect with, cherish, and realize our desires in order to live our lives to the fullest and make our greatest contributions to the world. In fulfilling our heart-held dreams we flourish, serving ourselves and others from a place of bliss, generosity, and love. Our journey starts at the beginning, in the center, as we go within to listen to our deepest truth.  (excerpt from 21 Day Meditation Experience)

Day 2

Empowered Me

In today’s meditation, we explore the concept of Karma, the ebb and flow of energy in our lives. We discover that with awareness, we have the opportunity to mindfully harness this natural current to create a life where our dreams and desires open with effortless ease.

So often we hear about good Karma and bad Karma, but in reality, Karma is simply a reciprocal exchange – what we give, we receive in kind. Through meditation, we connect more deeply with the present, increase our awareness of “what is,” and emerge from the silence with a sense of balance and a desire to make right, conscious choices in our lives. In this way, we begin to recognize our own undeniable role in creating the story of our lives and start to make choices that are most nurturing for ourselves and everyone around us.

Day 3

 Confident Me

 The Spiritual Law of Least Effort tells us that we can do less and accomplish more, an idea that seems at odds with what many of us have been taught throughout our lives. We’ve been told that success is the result of hard work, struggle, and sacrifice. In today’s meditation, we tap into the ever-present flow of natural ease that is available within, as we plant the seeds to live our destiny each and every day.

The universe has infinite organizing power, and as conscious beings, we have ready access to this realm simply by spending time in stillness and silence. The same consciousness that orchestrates the myriad rhythms of the whole world dwells within each of us. As we cultivate present moment awareness and remain open to the many opportunities life offers, we open to the power within us to realize all our dreams with effortless ease.

Day 4

Conscious Me

All around us are messages that lead us to believe our lives are ones of scarcity and lack, and that competition with one another is the only way we can truly succeed. However, when we begin to witness the true abundance of the world – whether standing in the middle of a majestic forest or scanning the shelves at the grocery store – we come to understand that the entire universe presents itself to us and is ours to enjoy.

In order for us to truly experience everything the world has to offer, we must first come to appreciate all that we already have. By being truly grateful, we open the door to all the power, wisdom, and creativity of the universe, connecting ever more deeply with pure consciousness and its ability to usher anything we can envision into our lives.

Day 5

Abundant Me

What lights you up more fervently than anything else in your life? Listen to whatever immediately comes to you – these are signs leading you to your true passion, your most heartfelt desire, and ultimately your destiny.

When we heed the call of our deepest desires, we fulfill our true destinies. Children do not shy away from their passions; they effortlessly live from a place of wonder, play, and delight. For many of us, we’re taught that we must abandon our natural passions as we cross the divide between childhood and adulthood. And yet, passion is what drives us to be the very best individuals we can be.

Today, through meditation, we reconnect to our internal spark and begin to gently release those long-held stories about who we should be and become more intimately re-acquainted with who we really are. Together we practice shining brightly as the individuals we were born to be as we freely share our gifts with everyone we meet.

Day 6 

Resilient Me

In life, it is fairly certain that we will each experience difficult and challenging passages. Within each of these moments we are given a special seed of opportunity, a gift. Many times, this point of view can be difficult to embrace in the midst of what appears to be a setback. Today, we spend our time together opening our minds and hearts to the blessings that come to us in disguise.

In the stillness of meditation, we begin to gently release ego thoughts connected with success and failure. We begin to trust the movement of life, knowing that the universe has much grander plans for us than we could ever fathom. Each step along the path of life – regardless of the destination – is an exciting part of the adventure. The moments themselves are the gift; the journey itself, the rich reward.

Day 7

Fearless Me

Congratulations on completing the first week of our journey together! During this time, we have taken the important first steps toward initiating transformation by connecting with who we really are. Our awareness has expanded and we’ve opened to our authentic and divine nature. We’ve learned to honor our passions and long-held dreams while freeing ourselves from the limiting thoughts and beliefs that hold us back from the life we desire. We are now more open to our infinite potential, our destiny.

In today’s meditation, we embark on a powerful journey designed to help us gently release our fears, clearing the way to greet each moment with a sense of strength, connection, wonder, and freedom. As we experience this special guided meditation, we encourage you to connect with your true self and the deep understanding of your abiding relationship with the infinite. 

Day 8

What Do I Want? 

Welcome to the second week of our 21-Day Meditation Experience, Desire and Destiny. Last week, we focused on understanding who we are, connecting with our essential nature and divine essence. Today, as we invite abundance and clarity into our lives, we begin to explore what it is we really want in this lifetime. This awareness guides us to the steps on the roadmap toward living our destinies.

We may carry long-held beliefs about our identity and character that were given to us by others. These ideas influence our perceptions about what we want in life. Today, as we meditate together, give yourself permission to let go as you sink into meditation. Let your heart and soul speak to you as we travel within to hear our inner song of truth. Breathe deeply and receive on this day filled with transformational opportunity. Today we let our hearts lead the way for all of the answers we seek live within – all we have to do is listen.

Day 9

Focused Me

It’s difficult to arrive at a destination if we don’t know where we are headed. This is equally true for our life journey. In order to realize our deepest desires, it is essential to identify exactly what we want and stay focused on that intention with dedication, focus, and awareness. At the same time, this practice requires us to let go of attachment to any single outcome, opening us to abundant possibility.

Today’s meditation centers on bringing our heartfelt desires into crystallized focus and putting our heart-centered attention on what we envision. In this way, we align ourselves with the universe to reach our intended destination, clear on what we hope to achieve and open to all opportunities that help us realize our dreams.

Day 10

Passionate Me

It is not uncommon to set a goal and then push forward with our eyes so fixed on the destination that we become unaware of the terrain on which we travel. In today’s meditation, we practice navigating the path toward our destination with fluidity and balance, remaining attentive to our goal with present moment awareness. As we do so, we take a powerful step toward realizing our dreams and living our destinies.

In our passionate pursuit of our life’s purpose – our destination – we have the choice to stay present in the Now, which increases our awareness of the many supportive cues and opportunities that arise along the path. Staying connected to the present enables us to enjoy every moment of the journey – the people we meet and the experiences we can enjoy with them – enriching us as we live out our deepest, most heartfelt desires.

Day 11

Intentional Me

Over the past several days, we’ve defined what we want in life, responded to our heart’s deepest dreams and desires, and opened to the many opportunities that arise in the present moment. In today’s meditation, we learn more about developing clear intentions for our lives.

We believe that attention energizes and intention transforms. We are the masters of our own lives, our realities, and the universe offers us what we ask of it. Therefore, as we place our attention on what it is that we want, we set our intentions to orchestrate everything in our lives to help us achieve our goals. As we become receptive in this way, the universe conspires to support our every step. 

Day 12

Inspired Me 

When we choose to follow our hearts, we make life choices that seemingly open doors for us without force, and are then aligned with our inner knowing. The path is revealed with ease. Other times, we may “over-think” our decisions, choosing the guidance of the mind over the messages of the heart.  In these moments, our paths may become filled with obstacles that hinder us at nearly every turn.

In today’s meditation, we connect deeply with our hearts, our most trustworthy inner guidance system. As we relax into our heart-center, we access the wisdom of the whole universe and the blueprint for true happiness. The invitation is to silence the chatter – to gently release thoughts, judgments, distractions, and pressures – in order to truly hear our heart’s desires and messages. Only then can we source our inner inspiration and realize not only our dreams, but our destinies.

Day 13
Faithful Me

When we hold tightly to a goal, we often find it to be elusive. We may say to ourselves, “I want this so badly. I can see my goal. Why can’t I reach it?” The answer lies within the fine art and practice of detachment.

As we detach from the outcome of whatever we desire, we let go and gently surrender to the wisdom of uncertainty, which holds our freedom from the past, the known, and the limitations of any preconceived notions. In our willingness to step into the unknown – the field of all possibilities – we give ourselves over to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe, trusting that what we desire will come to us.

Day 14
Grateful Me

Congratulations on completing the first two weeks of our 21-Day Meditation Experience! Spending time in silence is an act of powerful self-nurturance. Through meditation, you are connecting more deeply with your heart, understanding its desires, and clearing a path to realize your dreams.

Today’s meditation focuses on gratitude. When we appreciate all that we have in life, our egos step out of the way, inviting even greater abundance into our lives.

Practicing gratitude for our lives as human beings – for the air we breathe, our magnificent bodies, and the beauty of being alive – is a wonderful place to start. From this point of view, we can expand our gratitude outward like ripples in a still pond, appreciating everything and everyone that touches our lives.

Day 15
How Can I Serve

Today we delve more deeply into what it means to be of service. When we serve others from a place of love, we are also serving ourselves.

For many of us, when we think of service, we envision great feats, sacrifices, large philanthropic donations, and other grand gestures. While service can be all those things, it can also be much more accessible in our daily lives. Giving to others through service is simply recognizing what you do best in any given moment and offering that as a gift to someone else. For instance, today you may notice someone who looks like they could really use a warm smile and, in that moment, you offer a smile in service to brighten their day. Giving can be that simple.

Day 16
Uniquely Me

The expansion of happiness in this lifetime is our birthright. Finding what it is we are meant to do and be, and identifying that which brings us the greatest happiness is our highest purpose in life. This is our Dharma, our truth, and our destiny. Each moment presents us with a unique opportunity to express ourselves in ways that only we can. When we answer the call of our heart in each moment, we have the opportunity to experience pure joy.

Today’s meditation explores what it means to live blissfully in each moment, understanding that the true reward is not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but the journey along the rainbow itself. Allow the bliss of being who you are, living as the unique soul you were born to be, carry you along the path of this lifetime and you will be living your life to the fullest.

Day 17
Inspirational Me

Think about the people and experiences that truly inspire you. What is it about them that makes you feel this way? For many of us, we are inspired when we feel something we have never felt before. We feel uplifted when we gain a new insight that changes our perspective completely and when we learn something new that forever transforms us.

Each of us has that power to inspire other people. Within all of us lies a wonderful teacher, a soul that greatly inspires others to seek the highest good and to engage fully in life, merely by expressing our authentic self. Embrace that inner teacher and know that you have something very valuable to offer everyone around you. Share your lessons freely and receive wisdom from others with openness, joy, and love.

Day 18

Creative Me

How often have you had the experience of struggling to remember a person’s name, only to have the name effortlessly revealed to you when you were engaged in something entirely different? The same thing happens when we wrestle with our minds for ideas or solutions. Once we let the challenge go and engage in something that frees our minds, the lightning bolt strikes!

This is the value of play. Play opens the pathways for creativity to flow freely. When we are engaged in play, we connect with the heart, rather than leading with the mind. As we access the essence of pure potentiality, transformative ideas and solutions come to us spontaneously, and we are boundlessly creative.

Day 19

Blissful Me

In today’s meditation, we spend time reconnecting with our true bliss, that part of ourselves that many of us best remember from childhood. Think about what it was that brought you the greatest joy, that made time fly, and that you could do forever without a care in the world. That is an expression of bliss.

While our childhoods may be behind us, our opportunity to reconnect with our bliss is right in front of us, ours for the taking. When we find ourselves engaged in the activities and with the people who make our hearts sing, we are grounded in the present and deeply connected to pure spirit.

So I Got Laid Off...Now What?

Ok so there's no other way to start this post than to just say, I got laid off...

Although I worked in the financial industry, this lay off came as a complete surprise to myself and all my coworkers as well. The lay off did not happen due to lack of performance, relocations or even a slight downsizing...the entire company went under so everyone lost their jobs.

The News
My best friend and I left the Future concert hyped. We walked out of the amphitheater just before the rest of the crowd and headed back to the shady spot where I reluctantly decided to park my car. The prices for parking were completely ridiculous and even though I was still employed, my pockets were like "nah bruh." We approached the corner and the pit of my stomach was turned upside down as I anticipated what state my car was in whether it was there or not. I couldn't tell if I felt that way because I'd seen a missed a call from my manager, or because I was really worried about the car. The car was in the same condition we'd left it, cool, but my stomach...was still weird. I was temporarily distracted by the conversation with my best friend then, my stomach nearly jumped out of my throat as I remembered that phone call I'd missed. It was almost after 11pm, what could my manager want at this hour? Did I forget to do something? Did I leave work before I was scheduled? Maybe he needs me to fill in for someone...? Dammit! Maybe he found out where my co worker and I had gone to lunch, stayed way too long and on top of everything else, we didn't bring him anything back. Maybe he found out that we had drinks, while we were there...ok I had a drink. One drink but it was Cinco de Mayo! How could I not and by the time we'd get back to the office it would be time for me to go home anyway. Whatever, I ain't no punk so whatever it was I was big enough to cal him back! So I called the coworker I went to lunch with instead; surely she knew what the deal was.

 Me: Hey Jas

Jas: (slowly) Heyyy..(silence)...did you talk to Demetrius?

Me: No, I called you first what's going on (Because every one knows when their boss calls them late night something is wrong)

Jas: Uhhhhhh, I'm just gonna let you talk to him

Me: NO! What happened! Tell me!

Jas: *exhales* We don't have a job Ivy!

First Comes Reaction

At first, I thought she meant just she & I were out of a job. Especially considering the whole lunch thing. She explained it to me but all I heard was "we've been shut down by the federal government." She was definitely speaking Chinese to me at this point. How? When? Why? What?...wait WHAT? WHAT!! What did they say? I called my manager and he immediately confirmed when he picked up the phone with with a huffy and solemn tone "Heeeyyy Ivy..." He asked me how I was feeling, I must've babbled something because then he just started giving me the instructions on what was coming next. "I can't...I'm sick I'll call you back I'm sick!" I wasn't really sick, but if the word "empty"could ever manifest itself beyond a description, I think that's what it would be...just an empty-like bulge in the pit of my stomach. I felt that for a very short time but then there was nothing else. There were no tears...no panic...no meltdown. Am I experiencing shock?

Then Comes Reasoning

How would I explain this to my family and friends? Most of my friends have careers, are entrepreneurs, homeowners even! I had plans to begin searching for my first home within a year or so and now I have to live off the small savings I had for that home. How do I measure up? Surely, I would have to be a shut in because what's cute about a jobless, grown woman with a dwindling savings. In the blink of an eye, all my plans are down the drain, I had no control over it and no explanation. I tried to sort out all of the things that made sense in my head. From the moment I began making plans for the next steps in my life, each milestone I'd made quietly, each goal I accomplished between the moment I knew I was hired to the moment I knew I was laid off. None of the reasons I'd come up with could match what was really going on. This was not a part of my plan! I'd never left a job outside of my own will. I've never been fired, never been "released from work" and damn sure not laid off. Ok so how does this work again, being forced to do something outside of my own will...I needed answers and I needed them quickly; unfortunately I had minimal power as to getting those answers. Who can I hold accountable for this? Who knew this lay off was coming? Why didn't they say anything? Why couldn't they notify us, that we'd be losing our income. Isn't there some kind of prep class that would walk us through the steps of what to do next? When I leave work today...then what do I do? Thoughts came rushing into my head like a flood after the initial shock had worn off. I felt like I needed grief counseling or something because my brain couldn't process all the thoughts as quickly as they were coming in. 

Then Comes Reality 

Ok girl, so there's no check coming in...what you gon' do?! Shock passed and the sea of questions  I'd asked myself as well as the answers I'd given myself were flowing at a more generous pace. That seemed about the only generosity I'd receive. There was no one waiting outside of the office to pat us on our backs, give us hugs and tell us everything would be ok. I don't think I would have known how to receive that anyway. Ha! Who was I fooling. I'd never had the privilege of living in that world and to confuse myself enough to think that I did was insulting, demeaning and undermining to the sort of woman I really was. We each left the office with a zombie like stride, looking around at one another. Everyone was quiet with our own expression of "what the hell do we do now" smeared across our faces. I looked back as my former manager locked the door for the last time....uhhhh "anybody know where the unemployment office is?" That statement had never really crossed my mind until that very moment.  The unemployment office....it just got real y'all! If I didn't have myself together when I walked in there, they surely got me together real quick before I left! The worst part of having to go to the unemployment office is the type of "service" you get, they treat you as if they are doing you a favor and look at you like..."after you leave here you better not come back asking for anything else"...or even..."what do you need these benefits for?" Yes, they call them benefits! Please excuse me if this is all just a bit too much for me to comprehend...I don't come here often. They treat you like you're already suspicious of attempting fraud with the little bit of help they are so proud to give you. They make you sit in a class full of people to watch a 10 minute video mandated by the state of Georgia. Is this is joke? "You must be quiet during the film, there is absolutely NO talking, please put your phones on silent, don't fill out the paper work until we instruct you to do so (because we are so unemployed that non of us even know how to write our names or fill in our social security numbers) and if any of the rules are broken you will be asked to leave and will have to return at the next scheduled viewing in order to qualify to receive your (crusty ass) benefits."  I want you to know that I heard absolutely none of that video. I must have been distracted by all the joyous people with smiling faces that dashed across the screen shaking hands with one another; I looked around the room at the people that sat there forcibly with me...yea no one in there had a smile on their face. I probably stopped listening when a cheery voice shouted from the screen "Greetings and Salutations." Still, at best I would describe this moment in my life as quite a humbling experience.   

There is Power in Resolve

After the entire experience, I gave it a couple days to sink in. Damn! All of this, over a job that I'd never intended to be at for the rest of my life. Once I gathered myself, it dawned on me that I was actually right on the edge of opportunity. I have the chance to reinvent myself, get back in touch with a part of me that I'd shoved to the side in the midst of being comforted by tax deductible wages and automatic healthcare benefits. The thought of "low-risk" enticed me, I'll admit.  When I think back on it all, I understand that I misused the advantage of having this job. When I first got hired, I told myself that I would use this job as a stepping stone to fund my own personal career goals. It was never supposed to be permanent. I got distracted. I was comfortable. For a woman like me, comfortable is never in my vocabulary. I always want to continue to learn, progress, set new goals for myself, smash those goals quietly and continue to level up to the people that I chose to surround myself with. I always want more for myself and I know that's ok. What I seek is not attainment of material things, but growth. However, when comfort is present, growth is not.  I was so comfortable with the thought of a consistent paycheck that when I lost that security, I assumed I'd lost all the pieces that held me together. That is the thing that disturbed me most; my reaction to what was going on being so natural, the casual response to being disconnected and numb to an occurrence that otherwise completely devastates you, or springs you right into action. I mean, I wasn't exactly devastated by the loss but I definitely wasn't moving forward either. So in the end, I did not come to terms with or find my resolve with my layoff. What moved me was once I became aware of my shockingly natural ability and willingness to remain numb...and absent (I am officially a millennial). 

My resolve comes from the mind that I have to never to put my life back in the hands of someone else again. I'm so thankful I had the mind to check in with myself because if I hadn't, the meaning behind this process would have been lost to me.  

Going to a job everyday, even a job the that you love, can be a distraction from your real goals, your dream life
Don't let it distract you! Take some time to decompress from work so you can be present, physically and mentally when you're outside of work. Whether it's family, a hobby, or even a personal goal, we can't forget to invest time and quality into the things that really make us who we are; we've got to check in! If you have a personal goal that you're working towards, it shouldn't be acceptable to give all your energy to your day job and not have anything to give to your own when you get home.

Yes, the loss of income can be devastating, even scary, rightfully so. However, loss should never exempt opportunity. I now understand how some people can associate loss of identity with the loss of a job! You are not what you do for a living so don't get so caught up in the work.

The loss of a job, is actually opportunity waiting for you to discover it!